Tips for building trust with your teen.

Consistency is key.

They are waiting for you to quit.

They are waiting to push the right button and have you stop showing up.

How we choose to show up with our teens is key.

Oftentimes the hard part for us as parents is knowing how to show up for our teens.

Seems like no matter what we say it’s wrong. No matter what we do it’s wrong. Even when we really are trying our best to show up the way we think they need we are still getting it wrong.

Which causes us frustration.

One of the first things you can do is to think about what you needed at that age. Who did you need your mother to be? Who did you need your father to be? Or whoever your main caretaker was.

Start showing up in that light for a while. Consistently. Over and over, no matter what buttons your teen pushes. No matter how many times they close the door on you. Just stand consistently showing up.

Then take it one step further and try asking your teen what they need. “ How can I best show up for you?” “How can I best support you?” “What do you need from me?”

At first likely your teen won’t even know how to answer that question. Likely they have never been asked what they need, and so this may take some time for them to figure out. That’s ok. Just keep standing and holding space consistently asking what they need from you.

One way that helped my kids to come to what they needed from me was allowing them to say anything to me that they needed to say. If they thought I was the worst mother they could say that as long as they did it respectfully and told me their whys behind that. Oftentimes I would learn a ton from them telling me their true feelings. I learned when I hurt their feelings or made them feel some type of way that I hadn’t even realized. Once my kids knew that they wouldn’t get in trouble for saying what they thought or felt, they became a lot more open. The key to this was the ALWAYS MUST BE SAID RESPECTFULLY! That was a non Negotiable. If they started to be disrespectful I would remind them of the rules and if they still couldn’t get it together we would table to the conversation until a time that they could speak respectfully.

I want to preface this with saying this does not give them an out on their rules or their punishments. Their rules are their rules and their consequences are their consequences aside from this. And just like with everything else being consistent in holding to those ruleand those co

consequences will go far with your teens.

Consistently showing up is about building trust and connection. Not about being their friend and not their parent.

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